some like it hot
by bob007
Summary: lizzie plays maralyn monroe's character in the old film, while gordo and ethan dress up like women, in order to esscape the italian mafia.
1. the mob

lizzie had to watch the strangest movie in class. it made her have  
a weird dream...  
  
the mafia had come to san francisco. they were after a   
salesclerk, who had witnessed a murder, years ago.   
  
gordo and ethan were just two aspiring musicians,   
who played at various gigs. they went to the job   
agency for musicians, one day. that was where a girl   
ethan was supposed to go on a date with, kate, worked.  
  
"why didn't you come the other night"she said.  
  
"i'm terribly sorry, my dear, but you see, gordo, here, had   
a horrible toothache, and i had to take care of him."  
  
"i did not!"yelled gordo.  
  
"haha...he's in denial about the whole thing, you see."  
  
"well i don't care."she said."you could've called and told me.   
i cried the whole night!"  
  
"well, you see, we couldn't."he said."our phone has been   
disconnected."  
  
"hmmm...whatever,"she doubted."well, anyway, we have one   
job, and its down in miami, florida."  
  
"ooh...we'll take it."said ethan.  
  
"well here's the address."...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
they arrived at the office ten minutes later. it was a   
two-story, brown building. the older man at the desk was   
on the phone for thirty minutes before he got off and noticed them.  
  
"escuse me, can i help you?"the old man had a sick, raspy voice.  
  
"ah...yeah,"said gordo."we're here about the job in miami."  
  
the old man spoke up immediately."why, you two can' take that job."  
  
"but why?"said ethan.  
  
"you just can't. now please be on your way."  
  
"please just tell us."said gordo.  
  
"well...it's for girls only."  
  
"we'll take it!"replyed ethan.  
  
"no, we won't!"  
  
"yes, we will!"  
  
"that does not matter, for i can't give it to you,   
and that's final! now please be on your way!"  
  
"we're getting that job, one way or another!"said ethan, as they were   
going to their old, beat up car.  
  
"are you crazy? how are we gonna do a thing like that?"  
  
"i'm not sure just yet, but i'll think of something."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
it was the next day, and ethan and gordo were walking to their car.   
there were three men outside. they were each talking, when this huge   
car, full of big, italian men, pulls up.  
  
"oh, no!"yells the skinniest guy.  
  
"what?"says the other man.  
  
"just get down, they're from the mafia!"replies the skinny man, again.  
  
"oh, boys."says one of the three, really really bit italians.  
  
he begins shooting at all three. the last one they   
kill is the skinny man. then, ethan and gordo begin to run away,   
causing the men to shoot at them, too. they get in their car,   
and speed home.   
  
they hide out, all the next day. then, that night, ethan goes out,   
to buy some things. he comes home with wigs, and women's clothes.  
  
"what are these for?"asks gordo.  
  
  
ethan tells him, with a smirk."we're getting that job."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
three days later, they head to the train station. 


	2. diets and jelly rolls

"do we really need to go through with this?"said ethan.  
  
"hey, it's your idea."said gordo.  
  
suddenly, a very young, snd attractive blonde started towards   
the train. she was wearing a black dress, and had her hair down.  
  
"i tell you,"exclaims a surprised ethan."when i was a little boy,   
i dreamed of getting locked in a bakery. there were pastries, donuts,   
cream cakes-"  
  
"well, were on a diet now. so no pastries, donuts, or creamcakes!"  
everyone stared at gordo because now he was talking like a man."oh,   
extremely sorry about that...uh, sudden, uh...yes, sudden burst of   
anger"he tried this time, in his girliest voice.  
  
"but just look at her, she walks like jelly rolls on springs!"  
  
"ah, hello there, are you the two bass and sax replacements?"said a   
middle-aged blonde haired woman at the train."  
  
"why yes, we sure are, my dear."said a surprised gordo.  
  
"wonderful, i'm sweet jo, and this is our manager, samstalk."  
  
"how do you do,?"said the forty-ish, brown haired man.  
  
"and your names are?"barged sweet jo. you could tell she never gave   
samstalk the light of day.  
  
"i'm gordita."said gordo.  
  
"and i'm, ahh." ethan could no longer remember the name   
gordo had told him. so he thought of another type of mexican food."my   
name is chalupa."  
  
"oh, what darling names."said a disgusted, sweet jo.  
  
"thank you. they're mexican."said ethan, who never knew when to shut up.  
  
"and what's your previous experience?"  
  
"oh here and there, this and that."said ethan.  
  
"ah, the san francisco conservatory."gordo answered, smartly.  
  
"ALL ABOARD!"yelled the conductor.  
  
as godita and chalupa stepped onto the train, samstalk expressed   
his thoughts."we're going to have to tell the others to watch   
their language. these two seem like real ladies."  
  
as the two "girls" boarded the train, they were covered in rows   
of about twenty girls. the boys were about ready to drool.  
  
"hello, ladies, my name is gordita, and this is my trusty   
companion, chalupa!"by the way, i told you to say your name   
was daphne."he whispered.  
  
they were interupted by a young brunette."hey girls, did you   
hear the one about the boy and girl on prom night-"  
  
sweet jo interupted."watch it, missy, these are clean girls.   
they come from a conservatory."  
  
the girl huffed and wrinkled her nose in spite.  
  
"ooh, just look at that-"said ethan.  
  
"watch it, remember we're on a diet."  
  
"well then maybe you should remember that you just ripped my boob,   
and you better come help me.  
  
they went into the bathroom only to find the girl they were   
looking at earlier, holding a full flask of gin... 


	3. the marolyn-esque lizzie

"oh, i'm sorry, i thought you were jo. you won't tell, will you?"  
  
"of course not!"piped ethan.  
  
"hi, i'm sugar lizzie cane."  
  
"hi, i'm gordita, and this here's chalupa."  
  
"nice to meet you. you know, i'm not the only girl on here who   
drinks. all the girls do. i'm just the one who always gets caught.   
sweet jo says, if i get caught drinking one more time, i get   
kicked out of the band. i always get the fuzzy end of the lolipop,   
you see."she said all of this as she hid the flask in a strap   
on her right leg. ethan was speechless."talk to you later, girls."   
  
"byebye."said ethan.  
  
as she left, gordo said."oh, i almost forgot. quick, let me   
hold your boob."ethan handed him the fake breast, and patiently   
waited for it to be reattached.  
  
"oh that feels much better."said ethan.  
  
"you're welcome."  
  
"i never said thank you."  
  
"DON'T ASK ME REATACH YOUR BOOBS NEXT TIME,   
UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO SAY THANK YOU!"  
  
they walked back out, not realizing everyone could hear   
what they were saying in there.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
they had begun practicing their music. sweet jo noticed that two of   
the people (gordita and chalupa) were out of tune. she waved her   
conductor's wand."gordita and chalupa! stop! where was the last   
place you girls played?"  
  
"at a funeral home, ma'am."replied gordo.  
  
"well spruce things up a bit!"  
  
they began playing again. this, time lizzie was singing. she was   
getting into the music, when her flask of gin dropped to the   
floor. the music stopped.   
  
"LIZZIE! I TOLD YOU IF I FOUND YOU WITH ANOTHER CONTAINER OF   
ALCOHOL, YOU WERE TO LEAVE THE BAND IMMEDIATELY! girls, say your   
last goodbyes to lizzie, for she will be leaving after this   
gig."sweet jo furiously was about to throw the container of gin away.   
  
"you better not throw my drink away!"replied gordita.  
  
"this is your drink?"  
  
"sure 'nuff is."  
  
"well, i don't know what they taught you at the conservatory,   
but in my band-"  
  
"um, dear isin't this both of ours?"questioned samstalk.  
  
"oh, whatever. anyway, gordita, get the picture?" 


End file.
